3 Lessons Learned from Embracing Failure — And Never Give Up (Prematurely) Again
You feel stuck. Again. A feeling of emptiness finds its way into your mind and spreads like a wildfire. You lost another game. You got laid off. Your pitch got rejected for the 10th time within one month.
And the worst part of it all. You had it all figured out. In your mind, it all played out perfectly. A promising career right after graduation. Your dream partner, dream family life, and a dream house in your 30s. Retired in your 40s. You have big plans and apparently no time to achieve them.
Life flashes by in an instant. Another day passes by, another week, another month, and you don’t know what happened to all those grand plans you had. Let me tell you why it is so hard for you to accomplish your biggest goals in life: you are afraid of failure!
Have you ever been so afraid of failing that you decided not to try at all? Have you ever experienced the feeling of wasted time after not receiving the reward expected?
It is up to you to turn this self-sabotage into inspiration for change. Like everything else in life, the fear of failure is a perception that needs to undergo a shift of perspective. And it is up to you, how you experience it and how you respond to it. Follow these lessons when you are afraid of failing and see how you can change it into your fuel for success.
The fear of failure is a product of our environment
“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.” — Steve Jobs
Often, we do forget, how much failure has already taught us in life. As babies, we fall down over a thousand times in the pursuit of walking but always get up again nonetheless. The reason was our environment. Our parents and loved ones encouraged us and cheered for us whenever we tried to walk on our own. We associated failure with progress.
However, all of these feelings change, as soon as we go to elementary school. Suddenly, we are measured by our scholarly performances. There are Gauss curves or peer-to-peer evaluations where we are compared against our friends at school. Failure has no place in a system of meritocracy. Do not get me wrong. I do not criticize the obsession with high performance.
But, I criticize the fact that most people confuse high performance with actual human value. You are not less worth than your friend, who runs a successful company or a friend who bought a new house. You are exactly who you need to be. Every one of us, that is born into this world, is a miracle, no matter what you do or what you have.
Simply by acknowledging the fact that every meaningful achievement was preceded by a process of failure and success will give you the mental edge to achieve everything you have ever dreamt of. Here are three lessons, I want to share with you from high performers, who constantly remind us that the journey is the goal.
Lesson 1: You get the opportunity to improve
“Success is failure in progress.” — Albert Einstein
Human beings are not perfect. And humans make mistakes. Never forget that. Mistakes — small or big — happen and will always happen. It is not about being flawless and always getting the best outcome out of every situation, but about what we learn from every experience we encounter. The problem with us is that if we never fail and try again, we never experience the critical part of the reflection that makes us better performers and better human beings. I bet, if you have been an A student all through high school, receiving your first bad grade in college, triggered one of these two reactions:
- I hate this subject and it not important anyways OR
- Now more than ever I want to be great in this subject.
We cannot reverse what happened in the past, but we can always change our attitude towards the future. This doesn’t mean that success is guaranteed or that failure isn’t going to repeat itself, it means that you will get back up, and approach the problem with a different strategy that will hopefully pay off.
Being scared and experiencing fear towards the future is a completely natural process, and you should not blame yourself for having these fears. Being afraid often means that this certain project has a certain meaning to you, of which the outcome plays a big part in your life. However, this fear should never stop you from trying again and again, because one thing is for sure: the regret of giving up prematurely will cost you more than the fear of failure.
Lesson 2: You realize that success without effort is meaningless
“Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.” — Tony Robbins
Every now and then, we will find ourselves in our comfort zone. This zone is characterized by the simple fact that most of what you do does not lead to a surprising or superior outcome. In other words, you stagnate. You succeed in doing repetitive tasks, but at the same time, you fail in becoming better. Growth — personal or spiritual — gives our life meaning and this growth only comes from effort.
If you achieve most things in life easily that means that you do not go out of your comfort zone and you will sooner or later find yourself feeling unhappy because you innately crave growth and the process associated with it.
It is in those times when you should stop and reflect, whether the path you are on is the right one for you. Ask yourself:
Do I wake up full of energy? Do I go to bed full of regret? If there is one thing that I would change, what would it be?
Remember that you have to find the answers yourself. No one can tell you what you really want out of life and you should never live to anyone’s expectations but your own. The reason is that you will develop consistent effort towards a goal only if it really means something to you.
Let me explain what I mean. Imagine, you receive the terminal diagnosis that you only have one year left to live. What would your response be? Would you stay in your meaningless job? Would you do what you always wanted? Would you spend more time with your loved ones?
Whatever the answer — and there is no right or wrong here — you have to figure out what matters most in life to you and dedicate all your heart to it.
Lesson 3: You build resilience against setbacks
“Everyone is on the hunt for that simple action algorithm that nets maximum profit with the least amount of effort. There’s no denying this attitude may get you some of the trappings of success, if you’re lucky, but it will not lead to a calloused mind or self-mastery.” — David Goggins
Let me tell you something about myself. I am a Vietnamese-born raised in Germany. For my parents, grades in school always were the most important form of how I could show them, my love. Naturally, I always strived to get good grades in school and also managed to do that. Not because I have any talent or because I am Asian. But because I put effort into it and it paid off.
However, school performance cannot be compared to real life and I learned this lesson now for the past two to three years. To be honest, I am immensely afraid of failure. I hate it. I would rather do nothing than admit that I am not good enough to start a business or anything that is outside the safe confinements of academia.
The reason I tell you this is because up until now I am just big talk. A guy with big dreams but zero commitments to real-world effort and failure. I really want to change. And I really want to help people, who feel the same way, to change.
“Be the change you want to see in the world .”— Ghandi
In order to change, you have to admit first that you have a problem. It is the same with anonymous alcoholics. Those people are so brave and I admire them because they commit to their wishes to change by getting into an environment that is highly uncomfortable and requires a ton of resilience.
After reading on many high performing athletes, such as Michael Jordan, Cristiano Ronaldo, the late Kobe Bryant, or David Goggins, and the research works of Angela Duckworth and James Clear the message is clear: the skills to build resilience and consistency are the most important ones in achieving your life goals.
Closing words — Get on the Path of Failure in order to Succeed
I hope, you found this helpful and wherever you are in life — enjoy the journey. Here are some final action steps that you can take into the future.
Get in an environment where the progress through consistent effort is rewarded not the outcome. Praise your friends and colleagues, whenever you see them practicing deliberately in order to achieve their goals. Never take shortcuts for your most important goal.
Whatever area of life (health, career, relationships) you want to succeed in, find something in that area that you love and dedicate all your heart to it.
Commit to doing it at least until it comes to a natural end, never give up prematurely. For example, if you sign up for piano lessons, commit to doing it at least for one year.
Set a goal but do not announce it a make or break if you do not achieve it fast, because if you put in resilience and consistency, the desired outcome is not wishful thinking but will become inevitable.
